by Apostle Gabriel Cross
I was battling for some months now, concerning my life. Dealing with depression, suicidal thoughts, estranged loved ones, and wandering thoughts that take you nowhere but down.
Struggling to rise up in the morning, and wrestling to sleep at night. Still trying to love the Lord, serve the Lord, serve others, but having difficultly breaking through and moving forward, concerning myself.
Consequently, I obeyed God on some major decisions that I never thought I would have to make. After obeying God, I didn’t see immediate results nor any encouragement to spur me to move forward.
I began to grieve. I sobbed. I became the Lord’s cry baby for weeks. Dealing with individuals who always say, “Praise the Lord brother,” “We love you brother,” “I am going to help you brother,” “I am here for you brother.” So superficial, because they never follow through for this brother.
The other individuals are the ones who get close enough to you, to spy out what you’re personally dealing with, not to help you, but to exploit you to others. All of this can make one vulnerable or tempted for terminal isolation.
I became spiritually exhausted, mentally fatigued, and very weary in well doing. “Hope deferred makes the heart sick but a desire fulfilled is a tree of life.” (Proverbs 13:12)
Well, I definitely had the Hope Deferment Sickness. Feeling unfulfilled because I perceive, God is taking too long.
Then I talked to a friend who asked me a life-changing question. She said, “Have you ever asked God why it hasn’t happened for you yet? Have you done something wrong or have not done something right He told you to?” I replied, “No, I have not, but I will tonight.”
So, I inquired of the Lord, “Why hasn’t happened for me Father?” I was completely flabbergasted and quite blown away at the Lord’s response. He said, “You have given up on yourself. You’ve opened so many doors to the enemy out of grief, hurt, and fear. You’ve given way more to others than to yourself. Take care of YOU, first. Give to yourself first, it is not a sin. You must be the first partaker.”
“The husbandman that laboureth must be first partaker of the fruits. Consider what I say; and the Lord give thee understanding in all things.” (2 Timothy 2:6)
Forgive yourself for the wrongs you have done and suffered. Let go of all guilt, completely. Close the doors to the enemy you’ve opened. Regardless of our issues, LIVE, Gabriel, LIVE! Then he led me to this powerful passage of scripture,
“And say, Thus saith the Lord God unto Jerusalem; Thy birth and thy nativity is of the land of Canaan; thy father was an Amorite, and thy mother an Hittite. And as for thy nativity, in the day thou wast born thy navel was not cut, neither wast thou washed in water to supple thee; thou wast not salted at all, nor swaddled at all. None eye pitied thee, to do any of these unto thee, to have compassion upon thee; but thou wast cast out in the open field, to the lothing of thy person, in the day that thou wast born.” (Ezekiel 16:3-5)
*This sounds like a great deal of rejection, neglect, abandonment, lack of care, and compassion, the spirit of the outcast. I can relate*
“And when I passed by thee, and saw thee polluted in thine own blood (issues), I said unto thee when thou wast in thy blood (issues), Live; yea, I said unto thee when thou wast in thy blood (issues), Live.” (Ezekiel 16:6)
God spoke to me, strongly, LIVE! While you are in your own issues, LIVE!
The word live in this text is the Hebrew word chayah (khaw-yaw).
Meaning to live, to revive, make alive, nourish up, preserve (alive), quicken, recover, repair, restore (to life), surely, be whole.
Then the Holy Spirit spoke to me, “Your life matters.”Then He said, “Decree it over yourself, My Life Matters.”
I began to cry tears of deliverance, because My Life does matter and matters to so many. The Lord cleansed my heart and gave me a new love for Him, for life, and for me.
Therefore, I encourage you today my friends, don’t give up on yourself and if you have, repent to yourself for giving up on YOU. It can still happen for you as well. Just come back in agreement with God. Divorce what the devil’s saying to you. Close the doors you may have opened to the enemy, so God can restore you to life.
Make living healthy your lifestyle. Support yourself. Believe in yourself. Love yourself. Take better care of yourself…like God does.
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