Posted by: Pure Glory | 12/14/2019

Never Thought This Would Happen To Me

by Apostle Gabriel Cross

I was battling for some months now, concerning my life. Dealing with depression, suicidal thoughts, estranged loved ones, and wandering thoughts that take you nowhere but down.

Struggling to rise up in the morning, and wrestling to sleep at night. Still trying to love the Lord, serve the Lord, serve others, but having difficultly breaking through and moving forward, concerning myself.

Consequently, I obeyed God on some major decisions that I never thought I would have to make. After obeying God, I didn’t see immediate results nor any encouragement to spur me to move forward.

I began to grieve. I sobbed. I became the Lord’s cry baby for weeks. Dealing with individuals who always say, “Praise the Lord brother,” “We love you brother,” “I am going to help you brother,” “I am here for you brother.” So superficial, because they never follow through for this brother.

The other individuals are the ones who get close enough to you, to spy out what you’re personally dealing with, not to help you, but to exploit you to others. All of this can make one vulnerable or tempted for terminal isolation.

I became spiritually exhausted, mentally fatigued, and very weary in well doing. “Hope deferred makes the heart sick but a desire fulfilled is a tree of life.” (Proverbs 13:12)

Well, I definitely had the Hope Deferment Sickness. Feeling unfulfilled because I perceive, God is taking too long.

Then I talked to a friend who asked me a life-changing question. She said, “Have you ever asked God why it hasn’t happened for you yet? Have you done something wrong or have not done something right He told you to?” I replied, “No, I have not, but I will tonight.”

So, I inquired of the Lord, “Why hasn’t happened for me Father?” I was completely flabbergasted and quite blown away at the Lord’s response. He said, “You have given up on yourself. You’ve opened so many doors to the enemy out of grief, hurt, and fear. You’ve given way more to others than to yourself. Take care of YOU, first. Give to yourself first, it is not a sin. You must be the first partaker.”

“The husbandman that laboureth must be first partaker of the fruits. Consider what I say; and the Lord give thee understanding in all things.” (2 Timothy 2:6)
Forgive yourself for the wrongs you have done and suffered. Let go of all guilt, completely. Close the doors to the enemy you’ve opened. Regardless of our issues, LIVE, Gabriel, LIVE! Then he led me to this powerful passage of scripture,

“And say, Thus saith the Lord God unto Jerusalem; Thy birth and thy nativity is of the land of Canaan; thy father was an Amorite, and thy mother an Hittite. And as for thy nativity, in the day thou wast born thy navel was not cut, neither wast thou washed in water to supple thee; thou wast not salted at all, nor swaddled at all. None eye pitied thee, to do any of these unto thee, to have compassion upon thee; but thou wast cast out in the open field, to the lothing of thy person, in the day that thou wast born.” (Ezekiel 16:3-5)
*This sounds like a great deal of rejection, neglect, abandonment, lack of care, and compassion, the spirit of the outcast. I can relate*

“And when I passed by thee, and saw thee polluted in thine own blood (issues), I said unto thee when thou wast in thy blood (issues), Live; yea, I said unto thee when thou wast in thy blood (issues), Live.” (Ezekiel‬ ‭16:6‬)

God spoke to me, strongly, LIVE! While you are in your own issues, LIVE!

The word live in this text is the Hebrew word chayah (khaw-yaw).
Meaning to live, to revive, make alive, nourish up, preserve (alive), quicken, recover, repair, restore (to life), surely, be whole.

Then the Holy Spirit spoke to me, “Your life matters.”Then He said, “Decree it over yourself, My Life Matters.”

I began to cry tears of deliverance, because My Life does matter and matters to so many. The Lord cleansed my heart and gave me a new love for Him, for life, and for me.

Therefore, I encourage you today my friends, don’t give up on yourself and if you have, repent to yourself for giving up on YOU. It can still happen for you as well. Just come back in agreement with God. Divorce what the devil’s saying to you. Close the doors you may have opened to the enemy, so God can restore you to life.

Make living healthy your lifestyle. Support yourself. Believe in yourself. Love yourself. Take better care of yourself…like God does.

© Crown of Glory International Ministries. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission, from this blog’s author and/or owner, is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Crown of Glory International Ministries,


  1. 🌷💕🌷💕

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Grieving before the Lord… is from that moment that we see the Lord work….often see that he has been working all along…

    Liked by 4 people

  3. Thank you! I claim this❤️

    Liked by 2 people

  4. God bless you for your transparency, Brother Gabriel. It always helps others when God”s ministers are willing to share about their own struggles and how the Lord led them into the answers and the deliverance.

    And I can relate. I remember a time when I was in a serious battle concerning my health and my life. I remember struggling in faith to believe and, as you did, I sought the Lord to understand how I’d gotten into such a low place to begin with. I was crying out for healing and life and struggling to believe. The Lord finally managed to get. me to a place of real faith so that He could work out the deliverance, but I’ll never forget what He told me had been the biggest battle.

    He told me that I had been the worst enemy by getting so depressed and embittered about problems that I had wished I could just die. I had opened the door to the enemy because I had chosen to see all the problems instead of God’s answers. He had wanted me to live and be well all along, but I was fighting against that. He said, “I’ve always wanted you to live, but I had to work to get you into agreement with Me.” Boy, those words really hit me and changed me, and, hopefully, I’ll never forget them or act contrary to them again.

    God bless you as you move forward in your victory!

    Liked by 4 people

    • Sister Sandra, thank you for your comment, transparency, encouragement, your sharing, and blessing. I receive it!

      Liked by 2 people

  5. “While you are in your issue, LIVE”. That is powerful. Thanks for sharing and for being so open and honest. God bless you!

    Liked by 4 people

    • Praise God! You are welcome! God is blessing me and you!


  6. Your post this morning was very encouraging for me. I’ve experienced similar feelings, actions and thoughts. But now I will move forward knowing God loves me and I should love myself as well. Thank you brother!

    Liked by 3 people

    • Russ, so good to know that this post encouraged you. Loving and caring for oneself is so important. You are welcome brother!


  7. Your comments hit home today. Been there and done that. Now it’s time for us to move forward with forgiveness of ourselves and praise God for his care.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Yes forgiveness of ourselves is key. Moving forward in thanksgiving to God!


  8. Man brother, praise God!!! I have gone through serious long term bouts of depression since being diagnosed with Celiac in 2012. I needed to hear this message and I have prayed these things over myself! Thank You Jesus!!! Grace and peace to you brother!

    Liked by 3 people

    • Praise the Lord, brother! So glad this ministered to you! Glory to God! Shalom–wholeness and completeness, nothing broken or missing to you, brother.

      Liked by 1 person

  9. Powerful testimony! Thank you for sharing! It’s a comfort to know God answers us when we call out to Him.

    Liked by 2 people

    • You are welcome! We overcome by the blood of the Lamb and the word of our testimony.

      Liked by 1 person

  10. God bless you my friend! I too had given up with a heart deferred. I remember a friend teaching us about how we can’t pour from an empty cup. I too will have to honor this body and love it like God does. Thank you for sharing your heart with us and with God. This ministered to me as well. Praise Jesus!

    Liked by 2 people

    • You are welcome, Diana. Our testimony of our struggles can cause many of us to overcome. It is good to know that you had similar issues and this post ministered to you. Hallelujah!

      Liked by 1 person

  11. This is a wonderful testimony…God’s continued blessings on your life my brother.

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Thanks for sharing this. It prompted me to think of how often we actually fail to stop and ask the Lord about a specific situation or experience. And yet, when we do, he usually gives us an answer 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

    • God loves us and wants us to run to him for advice. We get answers when we go to him.

      Liked by 1 person

  13. Wow! So much meaning in that word, “live”–to revive, make alive, nourish up, preserve (alive), quicken, recover, repair, restore (to life), surely, be whole.” Praise God you are now experiencing all these things as he gave you a new passion for life! And thank you for telling your story–sure to minister to many who also live in the shadow of self doubt and/or discouragement.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Nancy, you are welcome. Appreciate your words of encouragement. Blessings!


  14. You know it’s “Hope Deferred Sickness” when you stop reading your emails. Great post, thanks for sharing.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you! Abundant blessings! Happy New Year!


  15. The last paragraph says it all…thank you for sharing.

    Liked by 1 person

  16. “Then I talked to a friend who asked me a life-changing question. She said, ‘Have you ever asked God why it hasn’t happened for you yet? Have you done something wrong or have not done something right He told you to?’ I replied, ‘[No, I have not, but I will tonight.'”
    So, I inquired of the Lord, “Why hasn’t happened for me Father?”
    Always a good idea–inquire of the Lord about what we don’t understand. You were surprised by His answer to you, but you listened. To me, that’s the key–to inquire and to listen to His answer.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Yes, Abba God wants us to come to him and find the answers.


  17. Wow very powerful! Thank you for sharing your story.


  18. Here to encourage and support -reach out anytime…

    Liked by 1 person

What are you thinking?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.


%d bloggers like this: